How to hail a cab

When you take an eight-year-old boy to New York City, you learn many things. You learn there is an aircraft carrier in the Chelsea. You learn that it is possible to sleep perpendicular on a king-sized bed. You learn much about dinosaur teeth and Teddy Roosevelt.

You also get a refresher in your cab-hailing technique. Here's how the B.-Man does it:

1) Learn that a cab is necessary; begin excitedly jumping around and buzzing in circles around your father.

2) As your father turns to look at something boring and useless like a street sign or address, make your move. With a mighty leap, pull his hat off his head (don't worry too much about the knee you accidentally lodged in his kidney).

3) Hat in hand, begin running madly toward the nearest street. Ignore the direction of prevailing traffic, obstacles such as construction debris and anything else that might halt your progress.

4) Immediately jump into street, protesting only mildly when aforementioned father, now lathered with panic, pulls you back onto the sidewalk and says that we need to cross first.

5) Once set in an approved position, begin manically hopping around waving the hat. Do not look for cabs before you do this. Start a series of actions resembling calisthenics, only more bizarre and disjointed, shouting "Taxi! Taxi!" all the while.

6) Pause for some tips. "Look to see if there are any cabs before you start hailing them, buddy. Also check for the light on top to see if they are on or off-duty."

7) Resume step 5, disregarding information gleaned in step 6. Ignore tapping of father's foot and curmudgeonly 37-year-old grumbling.

8) Proudly show your dad into the cab you hailed all by yourself. Return hat.