Not good

The CT showed a number of specific changes to my lungs -- they've formed a variety of pits and nodules -- including the collapse of my recently re-operated on right lung. They also found growth in the tumor on my hip muscle and growing lymph nodes up along my spine, which may explain why I've had a such a terrible time in terms of pain and mobility over the last few weeks.

They had already called the drug company when we went in to discuss these results and, indeed, I was taking the placebo. So now I will see if the real drug can do anything for me. Perhaps it can -- I certainly was doing a whole lot better on drug (if only for a little while) than without it.

I was feeling lousy before the news, and now I feel worse: hearing it seems to have (temporarily, damn it!) drained the well of optimism, strength and BS I use to get through this whole thing. Yes, I'll absorb this and move on and learn how to manage the symptoms better, but right now I can barely function.